I FUCKED up.......Crying my eyes out for the night.

I live my life on the theories that state that "Hurt the other person before they hurt you" and "Don't ever let anyone get to close".......Well those theories just about messed up my night.I had recently hurt a man that I had somewhat feelings about<--I am fronting my ass off I was falling for him without no parachute.Now you see that was the problem.I was falling for him.Now love has brought me such pain and misery in the past that well I don't want to experience it again..so I thought.

He would walk me all the way home knowing two thing were in affect.One he had a girlfriend at the time and two he lived so far from me that it would take him a long time to get home.But still he would walk me home.Even on a cold day he was there.I was lucky because on the cold days he would hug me extra long to keep me warm.He wanted to keep me warm till i reached my front door which was just a couple steps.That was so sweet (*sigh*).

On valentine's day, he brought me a nice little dog and it was in my favorite color--->Black.As i write down all of these memories,I can't help but shed tears they were so beautiful and memorable.Last memory i shall share for the night before i get to the real reason why i started writing this. I remember it like it was yesterday(trust me folks this is special because i can't even remember what i had for breakfast this morning).It was my birthday and he knew my policy is "Food over everything"and so guess what he brought me as a gift over the spring break.Mind you it was spring break so he could of been sleeping and chilling but no he went out and brought me SNICKERS. I freaking love snickers.That's like my top candy bar.Anyway so he brought me that and so i gave him a big O'll hug and a kiss on the cheek(it was like a peck).

He also brought me a card and that is where the problem started.The card had the word"Love" in it.To me that was an immediate red flag because i don't love.So that had me being very cautious of him and my feelings for him.Basically i was trying to stop my self from falling.But with great attempt comes prevail.So i distant my self from him for a while.And lets just say(this is a fact) My last text to him stated"Leave me alone" <---What that really meant was well...Idk.All i know is i fucked up and it took having a convo with my best friend for life to realize that.See i personally think life would be better without emotions like really it would definitely be better.So back to me, I've really messed up..I don't know what to do..Am at lost of thought..These are some of the tings that my best friend had to say.

• "I haven't spoken to him since he went to Florida. He still wants you to explain why you stopped talking to him though he won't ask you as to not disrespect your wishes"-After I asked her does he ever talk about me..??
• "I'm not answering that. But when he has a girl he respects her and he treats her nice though he does has mad girls as friends but sometimes it's not him pushing up on them but the other way around"-After i asked her do you think i fucked up..??
• "My pleasure..And when ya was talking him and kiara was having problems and he was gonna break up with her. The fact that he spent so much time with you showed that he liked you. Like he walks you home and all that"-I told her to continue..elaborate
• And the final one for the kill she said "Nd I'm not saying that you were wrong in your decision because from a distance that's what it looks like but the way he treats "flirtingbudddies" and girls he likes are totally diff. You didn't stick around to find that out thou "/"-She said this pleasant comment after i told her to continue.<--yes there was sarcasm in that sentence.

Now i am here crying my eyes out..It is so rare that i cry so i guess I'm just letting it all out there..Letting it all go free.

                                                                                                                                    -Sign, Forever Stupid