Venting Type of night

 Topic: LOVE

I'm feeling poetic for the night.I was in the middle of finishing this love poem i wrote.Yes its quite strange how one can write poems about something one doesn't believe in.I don't believe in love.Some say that makes me bitter and I strongly disagree with that statement.Love is like the Boogeyman .You read books about it,see movies about it, but one can not really know for sure unless one has had an experience with it personally.That is my personal theory.Some of you reading this may say "wait,don't you love your mom ?". The answer to that is Yes with all my heart I love my mother but that is not the type of love that I am speaking of.I'm talking about the deep emotional relationship type of love.The love that my peers think they are experiencing as soon as they jump into a relationship. I am very straight forward with all my friends and I'm always honest. If your in a relationship with a person that doesn't mean your in love.You could have love for someone but it doesn't necessarily mean that you are in love with them.I am the most emotionless person when It comes to the whole love thing . I just HATE the word. The only time I use it is in the case of strong like.For example : I love food. Nothing emotional just strong liking.Many people my age don't have a clue what love means.Many think its sexual other believe its easy to find.I have a different view on the whole topic.I think so much throughout the day that my brain has just developed and grown though my deep thinking. Love is rare and hard to find.I've been through so much in my life and I'm not the one to complain trust me.Everything happens for a reason and what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger.I'm a firm believer of those quotes.Time to go into full detail my synopsis on love. 

Love is so rare to find like buried treasure.I'm talking about that pure deep emotional love.It is so hard to find. To find someone to date that's easy.but to find someone to love you now that takes time.Love is a word that is so strong that in many situations I will admit that I have used it in its wrong tense. When any human being outside my family tree says "I love you" I get real signals that go off in my mind saying "DANGER !". With all these alarms always warning me I guess there's the reason why I've never had a successful relationship. Oh well *Shrug* that's life. I say "I love you" many times but I never am the type of person to mean it unless am referring to my first love.Then I am telling 100% true.I still don't believe in it but she way the first person to ever make me feel a bit of how it feel like to be in love. I am heartless towards love because it something that can really control you.In the words of my favorite female rapper Angel Haze "They say love whole the power to fulfill you, heal you, kill you, hurt and abuse you, take away from what you use to". That is something that I really fear so I stay away from it.I just "Like"a lot.There is no harm in that. Its like playing it safe :)

Speaking of the love..I'm writing this love poem and it starts off like this:

"More beautiful than the world, word. 

Matter of fact, beautiful ain’t the word.

Unexplainable is the beauty of her.
Out of all the girls god created on this earth she's the one I prefer."

If your reading this pleaseee comment..Tell me how I'm doing so far,or give me a topic..Have An Awesome Day Readers :)

Song to describe how I feel

Fall for your type (remix)-Angel Haze Video & Lyrics

You are an oceans breeze, I am a title wave

You every paragraph , I'm just the tittle page
You have the heart I hold exactly where you desire it
Its all so effortless, like what you did to acquire it
Each time I find it harder just to keep my composure
I'm tryina show you all of me like indecent exposure
Look, i'll be the gun
You be my holster
I need your love, I need you closer
Seems like forever when only an hour past
We fallin' slower then grains of salt in an hour glass
Emotions runnin' wild
You are who tames them
My only means for tranquility, you my sanctum
And if I could i'd take your eyes and make them blend in with the stars
So whenever we ain't together i'll see still them from afar
But that's insane
I'll do whatever just to feel you
Even all of that don't come close to what I will do
They say love hole the power to
Fulfill you, heal you, kill you, hurt and abuse you
Take away from what you use to
I'm tryina paint a picture, like a canvas plain
To try to put together words like a scrabble game

I said I wouldn't stop until I said what I needed to right? alright lets go

Look, I poured my heart out in an effort just to win you
And I defy my actions solely so they won't offend you
I mean I would wrestle time, even if it get re-winded
Everything you lookin' for, in me is where you find it
So you can stop your searchin' baby
I know you hurtin' baby
Your self-esteem so low sometimes that you feel worthless baby
Okay, you hide it well
But you know I can tell
I see right threw that bullsh*t that you be tryina sell
So let it drop, let it fall
Let it blow with the wind
I told you once, I told you twice and ima tell you once again
That i'll be here,yeah said i'll be here
And, if love is blind, then my mental clear
And all we have is time
And good intentions
F*ck you brake, f*ck your suspensions
Put your foot up on that gas
And drive 'till you don't see your past
I said drive 'till your vision blurs
And let my voice tell our story

Spoken words

F*ck let them hate we where they never was
And f*ckin' Shakespeare couldn't of wrote a better love
But people tell me that I'm trippin, I say you different
And when they ask me how, I can't provide a description, you don't need one
I would disconnect them all, like a broken joint
Just to prove I only see you like a focal point
I know that the distances, may cause complications
But you make me feel good, f*cked up, exonerated
Still I wonder what you like beneath the shackles that you wearin'
I've been longin' to release you from a load that's overbearin'
Tell me, are you protected by your guard boo?
Or could I blow and make it fall like cards do
And I ain't interested 'till it involves you
You got your doors locked and I just saw through
You reached the height of loneliness, cause we all do
But everything that goes up gotta fall to

I always fall for your type, yeah, for your type
Tell me why I always fall for your type, for your type
I just can't explain this sh*t at all, fall for your type
I just can't explain this sh*t at all, fall for your type
I believe in people like you

Song I want to sing to the one I love

One and Only - Adele Lyrics & video

You've been on my mind
I grow fonder every day,
Lose myself in time
Just thinking of your face
God only knows
Why it's taking me so long
To let my doubts go
You're the only one that I want

I don't know why I'm scared, I've been here before
Every feeling, every word, I've imagined it all,
You never know if you never try
To forgive your past and simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
Promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms
So come on and give me the chance
To prove that I'm the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts

I've been on your mind
You hang on every word I say, lose yourself in time
At the mention of my name,
Will I ever know how it feels to hold you close?
And have you tell me whichever road I choose you'll go

I don't know why I'm scared 'cause I've been here before
Every feeling every word, I've imagined it all,
You never know if you never tried
To forgive your past and simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
I promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms
So come on and give me the chance
To prove that I'm the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts

I know it ain't easy
Giving up your heart
I know it ain't easy
Giving up your heart

(Nobody's perfect, trust me I've learnt it)
I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart
(Nobody's perfect, trust me I've learnt it)
I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart

I know it ain't easy
Giving up your heart

So I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
I promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms
So come on and give me the chance
To prove I'm the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts
Come on and give me a chance
To prove that I'm the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts.

The day before thanksgiving...My thoughts

I honestly can not start my day without some Adele. I took two exams today and I am confident that I aced them both.But its like one of those exams where you think you did good till you get the results back and you failed.So I am really waiting in anticipation for those results.Today was a hard day so I had to work harder than normal.Its cool because I have my motivation back so I know why I have to keep everything going right.I need to focus harder and do what I have to do to go farther in my running career. Emotionally I have been bugging.I have two songs I want to share for the night..I love both song and they both have a lot of meaning to me.

Poem to describe her

Beautiful

When I look at you,
I see your soul inside.
Me longing for love,
you just don't realize

You're so beautiful
Always perfect and regal
A Queen looking down
on all things sublime

You show the world your divinity,
You're an Angel, of purest spirit
A bright light, shining with celestial vivacity
lighting up the world, brightening my days.

My Love for you is like an ocean
stretching as far as can be,
this ocean shall never stop,
It shall run for eternity

                                                                                                                                                               ~ Stuart Martin

Poem for the night

Confused

My knees start to shake
when your in sight,
my minds filled with wonder
my heart with fright.

when will this feeling stop,
when did it start
how can I listen to my mind
without breaking my heart.

I am so confused, 
what should I do?
I can't think of anything
except of you.

Should I ignore you
or just give it time
I can't think straight
my heart controls my mind.

                                                                                                    -© Emily Chapin

Confused

Like I don't know what to do

I need to get more mentally strong. I'm so weak and Its killing me.I need to man up everyone says that but it is soooo much harder than it sounds.I'm slowing losing what I feel makes me unique.Which is the way I am able to conduct myself and do/say whatever is on my mind.I need to get back to that.This thing is really holding me back and got me acting not like myself.I want to like man up and all but I mean there is no "How to man up" manual for dummies so I'm out of luck :(. I haven't writing on here in years I've just been chilling and trying to figure stuff on my own.Which is terrible because basically I've just been holding it all in..which is very unhealthy.I miss my first love like crazy and let the night end with that.To those reading I hope life is going good for you !